One player loses it at Tribal Council, and somehow still doesnt get voted out.
How we had to actually walk and drive to places before the advent of teleportation.
And, worst of all, how we had to endure getting by on horror of horrors!
Jeff Probst on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
only hour-long episodes ofSurvivoreach week.
Because it will seem completely unfathomable.
No, no, no perish those thoughts.
The Yanu tribe on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
Lets just call it a silver lining to Hollywoods long dark cloud of 2023.
But Probst was wrong!
Because 90 minutes isnotthe Survivor sweet spot (I really have to stop typing that).
The Nami tribe on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
Because I have seen the future, and the future is two-hourSurvivorepisodes.
Robert Voets/CBS
Last weeks two-hour premiere was legitimately awesome, but that was a premiere.
If 90 minutes is the sweet spot (DAMMIT!
The Siga tribe on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
), would two hours feel like overkill?
This episode was so damn good.
That means producers would have to cut out approximately 42 minutes of airtime.
The Siga tribe on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
That means you dont see as many blocks falling on as many heads at the immunity challenge.
You dont get Taylor Swift matched up in an epic duel against Metallica.
And, most importantly, you get 50 percent less footage of Kenzies purple knee socks.
Q Burdette on ‘Survivor 46’.Robert Voets/CBS
You get the point.
This was super entertaining and enlightening footage.
Am I being greedy?
But I have seen the future, and the future is two-hour episodes ofSurvivor.
Maybe its for season 50.
But thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Okay, I guess we should actually hit on some of the things that made this episode so stellar.
(No promises.)
Jelinsky, Jess, and Bhanu on the same tribe?
Are you kidding me????
I LOVE THIS TRIBE!
Such a beautiful mess.
The tribe dynamics of Yanu are so awkward.
Not saying yes to an alliance any alliance!
It doesnt matter if you want to be in an alliance with Kenzie.
Just tell her yes anyway!
Unlikely allies
Is Sodas Sodar malfunctioning?
Do you know how busy you have to be onSurvivorto not talk to someone ALL DAY?
Like, it is actually impossible to be that busy.
Its a full day!
With nothing to do!
I mean, I suppose your only options at that point are to laugh or to cry possibly simultaneously.
RealSurvivorplayers dont laugh or cry.
They do something else.
They go looking for idols.
And Ill let it go because Im a really easy, laid-back kind of guy.
Hold on, 300 podcast interviews in two years?
Is that even possible?
Who does this woman think she is, Rob Cesternino?
No way can you include Taylors Version tunes as separate songs.
Thats doubling her entire catalog!
And they have now positioned themselves as the power players on the Flock of Siga tribe.
Blockheads
Okay, confession time.
Awful is probably a more accurate description.
And it was all my fault.
Not the best, maybe, but certainly not the worst either.
Ive done more than 20 of them and am generally happy with how theyve turned out.
All I had to do was chop that stupid rope that released the wheels for the cart.
One of the guys I was competing against did it in a single chop.
I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that it probably took me over 100 swings.
I was so busy on that day chopping rope I wouldnt have even had time to talk to Venus!
It was truly pathetic.
Then again, Im not exactly known for my upper body strength.
But there is actually a reason I am telling you this besides general public humiliation.
Because, as always, the puzzle is the big equalizer.
And what a puzzle it was.
And it kept happening!
The blocks kept falling!
Time and time again.
They even gave us a super slow-mo montage of misery which I mainlined directly into my veins.
GOD BLESS YOU, TWO-HOUR SURVIVOR EPISODES!!!
In my personalSurvivorSanctuary, that is going down on a repeating loop, and it never gets old.
You dont want to see a pissed-off version of me, Venus warned back at camp.
Ive been sad the past three days.
Now Im just pissed.
It is what it is.
Thats fine, but what isnotfine is once again telegraphing the vote.
I cant handle him anymore.
See, thats the key in of thing usually best asked in private.
Or, perhaps, you know, not at all.
Stop making the block hot, replied Tiffany.
I love how it is not even a question, but a statement.
I thank them all for their service.
Enjoy all that bonus content and I will be back next week with another scoop of the crispy.
