The decimation of Vula continues.
Robert Voets/CBS
Distinguished guests, we have a winner!
Cancel the rest ofSurvivor 48.
David Kinne, Star Toomey, Joe Hunter, Kyle Fraser, Shauhin Davari, Cedrek McFadden, Chrissy Sarnowsky, Mitch Guerra, Eva Erickson, Saiounia ‘Sai’ Hughley, Mary Zheng, and Kamilla Karthigesu on ‘Survivor 48’.Credit:Robert Voets/CBS
Start cuing up someMatlockreruns to fill all that dead airtime because the Sole Survivor has already been crowned.
And that Sole Survivor is… Mary Zheng!
Yes, Mary Zheng!
Sai Hughley on ‘Survivor 48’.CBS
She is the final solitary member of the sad sack Vula tribe still standing.
She outlasted them all!
But the stars have aligned for Mary!
Jeff Probst, Joe Hunter, Kyle Fraser, Shauhin Davari, Eva Erickson, Saiounia ‘Sai’ Hughley, Mary Zheng, and Kamilla Karthigesu on ‘Survivor 48’.Robert Voets/CBS
And seriously, shouldn’t surviving that nightmare initial Vula tribe designation be worth a cool million bucks?
The woman now stands alone due to this week’s double elimination of Sai and Cedrek.
Sai was a victim of her super aggressive gameplay that left other players constantly on edge.
I guess wasn’t buff and strong enough to warrant inclusion in the Macho Men alliance?
But the ones who got truly screwed in this whole double-elimination business are the viewers.
In what way is that fair… TO US?
Instead, we get… Cedrek?
The dude is the complete anti-Sai.
He’s perhaps the most even-keeled, blank-expression contestant we have ever had on the show.
Mitch Guerra and Saiounia ‘Sai’ Hughley on ‘Survivor 48’.Robert Voets/CBS
Cedrek is exactly the kind of guy you’d want performing a medical procedure on you.
He’s the guy you’d want your best friend to marry.
He’s the guy you’d want to put down as an emergency contact.
‘Survivor 48’ contestant Star Toomey says, ‘Get a grip’.Dalton Ross
He’s just not the guy you want on aSurvivorjury.
Get that garbage out of my face.
Give myJonathan Penner’s oxen!
Star Toomey, Chrissy Sarnowsky, Eva Erickson, Joe Hunter, Mitch Guerra, Saiounia ‘Sai’ Hughley, David Kinne, Kamilla Karthigesu, Kyle Fraser, Cedrek McFadden, Shauhin Davari, and Mary Zheng on ‘Survivor 48’.Robert Voets/CBS
Reed Kelly’s wicked stepmothers!
Sue Hawk’s ratsandsnakes!
DAMN YOU DAVID KINNE FOR BEATING JOE IN THAT GRIP CHALLENGE!
David Kinne on ‘Survivor 48’.Robert Voets/CBS
Okay, let’s jam through the rest of the episode.
The write way to do it
Niu Nai?
That’s the merged tribe name?
Chrissy Sarnowsky and Star Toomey on ‘Survivor 48’.Robert Voets/CBS
That is suspiciously close to theSurvivor 46merged tribe name of Nuinui.
(By the way, where was production when the Dirty 30 insisted upon Merica?
We could have used a little intervention on that one.)
But it was crafty Sai after all!
Such a simple way to sow confusion.
And so may options one could employ throughout the season.
Every confessional interview could be all “Mailman Mitch is here to deliver the ultimate blindside!”
Looks like a special delivery for Mailman Mitch!"
Not to mention the endless possibilities surrounding our island Postmaster General interacting with theHostmaster General.
So much missed gold!
and gone back to the U.S.
Postal Servicejustto bust out the Mailman Mitch persona.
A gripping challenge
Poor Star.
In fact, her personal hatred of gripping challenges even served as herSurvivorhot takebelow.
(Takethat,Charlie Davis!)
Dalton Ross
Thankfully for Star, she wasn’t even the first person out of this contest.
I could not have been more wrong.
It came down to David vs. Joe or, inSurvivorparlance, Goliath vs. Goliath.
While they and others likeEvaand Kyle were holding on for dear life, stuff started getting… weird.
Look, either all of this actually happened or I consumedwaaaaaaytoo many Milwaukee’s Bests this week while watching.
To which I say… SCREW YOU, MILK!!!
Orange you sad you didn’t get peanut butter and jelly?
I want to make the final 3!"
You know who else wants to be trusted?
But while Mitch wanted to be trusted, according to Chrissy,nobodycan be trusted onSurvivor.
Nor would I have pointed out to Joe what a huge threat I considered him to be.
But that’s just me.
None of that mattered for this vote, however which ended up being unanimous on Sai.
No luck at all!
I want eyes like daggers.
I want buffs thrown in the fire.
I want catty remarks and people calledhoochie mamas.
Unfortunately, we got none of that.
The closest we got was Sai telling us, “I think they are obsessed with me.”
No, Sai,Imthe one obsessed with you.
But he and Kamilla had to be very careful how they went about that with David.
They could not be the ones appearing to be untrustworthy.
Instead, they had to pin something on the humanSurvivortheme-song singer.
They did it with a lie.
A wonderful, terrible lie.
Kamilla did not push for anything.
Nor did she say anything that could be disproven.
That warrants definite watching to see if yet another brilliant scheme by Kyle and Kamilla can take hold.
Even if it doesn’t, A for effort.
I love everything about the way this dynamic duo is playing.
But Shauhin was safe for this week, at least.
Instead, it was the easy vote of Cedrek that was cut from the purple team.
Such a good dude.
However, perhaps the Vula curse is simply too strong.
Unless, of course, your name is Mary Zheng.
We’ll also have not one buttwoexit interviews this week withSaiandCedrek, so enjoy both of those.
