We begin back in the good ol U-S-of-A Seattle, Wash., to be precise.
Its known as the Emerald City, as Jenn explains to us, because its green here year-round.
But shes not going to do it alone.
Charity visits Jenn on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Enter: Wise Former ContestantTM No.
ABC
Gah, Ms. Charity Lawson literally could not be more beautiful.
Jenn shares her doubts about some of the guys is her connection with Sam M. just physical?
Grant brings in the date box on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Is Marcus holding back?
Could she pick Jeremy out of a lineup?
while Charity offers a sympathetic ear.
Jesse Palmer on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
The first date card of the week comes with a whole-ass box, wrapped with a nice ribbon.
The Bachelorette meets Marcus in a park.
Suddenly, this dude rides up on one of those hop-on, hop-off streetcars.
Kelsey and Daisy on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Today is all about the magical road to love, declares Jesse Palmer.
Hmmm… A magical road?
This all sounds familiar… Oh, sorry, Jesse.
Trista on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
In case you were wondering,Wickedis not a Disney movie; its from Universal.
(Yeah, I was surprised, too.)
So, what is aWicked-themed date?
A date at T-Mobile Park on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I still have no idea whats happening, says Marcus, smiling gamely.
Most of the choices are lighthearted spicy or sweet?
but when they get to the last one, slow or fast, it prompts a relatively serious exchange.
Jenn and Marcus on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Marcus chooses slow, because in relationships he typically takes longer to warm up.
This isnt exactly what Jenn wants to hear.
Thats concerning, she admits to us.
Molly Mesnick cannot believe her ears on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Hes more of a slow burn than I am.
Charity greets them at the next stop.
Inside each one, there are photos commemorating big moments from Jenns and Marcus past.
Sam flames out on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Shes the most important person in my life, he says, wiping away tears.
Awww, I dont think I could love this guy more, rose lovers.
Another balloon has a letter from Jenns mom.
Jeremy and Jenn on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Im sorry for not being able to give you a perfect family with both parents, she writes.
Im always right there in your heart.
Great, now Jenn is crying, Marcus is crying, and Im crying.
Jenn, Jeremy, and a dead fish on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
STOP MAKING ME FEEL THINGS, STUPID SHOW!
Marcus has his work cut out for him at dinner.
is making her even more worried.
Jeremy gets the rose on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Can he convince her that hes ready for a TV engagement?
Lets join their date, currently in progress on the baseball diamond at T-Mobile Park.
Marcus says the letter from Jenns mom struck a chord with him.
Marcus and Jonathon do a crossword on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
I do not come from a perfect family.
Far from it, he reveals.
My sister, when we were kids, were kind of born into a pretty rough situation.
Sam feeds Jenn more lies on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
We had had parents who couldnt, like, really take care of us.
They were a bit, like, unstable, and they werent fit to be parents.
They brought us to daycare one day, and just, like, never came back for us.
It ain’t no lie, Jenn says ‘bye bye bye’ to Sam on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
That is beyond awful.
Families would, like, try us on for size, he recalls.
I repeat: Oh my GOD.
Sam M. takes his rightful place in the Reject SUV on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Knowing all of this, its even more impressive that Marcus is such a genuine and accomplished man.
And it certainly helps explain why Marcus is slow to Open UpTM.
I want a love thats going to stay when anyone else would leave, he says through tears.
Spencer calls his mom on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Jenn is, of course, extremely moved by Marcus story.
I hope you know how strong you are, she tells him.
I want you to know how happy I am that youre here.
Damn right, lady.
Now, give him that hometown date rose, and lets move on to the group date.
Said group date is another throwback.
The bearded, bullying d-bag also struggles when it comes to verbalizing his feelings for Jenn.
I would say, just fire, he stammers.
And, like, strong passion.
FREUDIAN SLIP FOR THE WIN!
Devin, for one, is loving watching his rival crash and burn.
It is not going over well with Jenn.
I dont feel like his answers make sense to me, she says.
And Im not sure how authentic his answers are.
OMG, rose lovers, is it finally happening?
It does not go well.
As you’re able to see by her face, Molly Mesnick does NOT love it.
(Nor should she.)
Sam keeps talking or should we say digging?
Jenn pressures him, asking him to name one specific thing about her that he likes.
He says, Your selflessness, and Jenn shoots back, How do you know that Im selfless?
He cannot think of a single response.
Its beautiful, rose lovers.
He also keeps starting sentences with honestly, which is something a total freaking liar would do.
Will he save himself at the afterparty?
What follows is, like, a whole lotta word salad.
I dont, he stammers.
Its just something that I feel.
Once again, Jenn pushes him to explain why he thinks SHE specifically is the woman for him.
Sam struggles for nearly 20 seconds but cant come up with an answer.
All he can do is grimace and clear his throat repeatedly.
Come on, Jenn, send this asshat home NOW!
Before she can, Sam finally spits out an answer: Because I love you.
Jenn is 1-800-NOT-BUYING-IT, but for some reason she doesnt tell him to GTFO.
She does, at least, end the conversation.
Things go much better for the other guys.
How could they go worse?
She even tells Devin that shes falling for him, too.
And the date rose goes to… no one!
I have a lot to think about, explains the Bachelorette.
Ill see you guys at the rose ceremony.
Our final date of the week goes to Jeremy, a man who is still here.
Jenn meets him at Pike Place Market and continues herhuju-less streak even in the face of Jeremys prompting.
Youre supposed to run and jump, he says, laughing.
Dude, have you seen the length of her skirt?
Well yeah, that happens when youve said fewer than 100 words to someone.
Nope, she just magic, yall.
Of course, they also catch flying fish.
Dinner takes place at theChihuly Garden, which is filled with beautiful glass sculptures.
Is this where you kill me?
Jeremy asks for the second time that day.
LOL, murder as a running joke how romantic.
The Bachelorette says shes open to that.
Heck, she does Shabbat dinner with her Jewish friends in Miami!
Still, she wants her kids to experience the traditions of her Buddhist faith, too.
Jeremy assures her that he has no problem with that.
Wow, did we just witness a semi-serious discussion about religious faith onThe Bachelorette?
Cut to:
Congrats, Jeremy!
Only two roses left.
The next day, we pick up in the afternoon, with everyone getting ready for the rose ceremony.
We stan studs who play word games!
Yes, even when theyre wearing socks with sandals.
The guys direct her to Sams room, and she barges in with barely a knock.
Sam, bless his manipulative little heart, immediately starts digging himself deeper as soon as she sits down.
He apologizes for how the date went, then starts repeating his claims that hes in love with her.
Survey says: Big red X.
To you, what does it mean to love somebody?
Jenn says at last.
Its all hot air, and finally finally the Bachelorette realizes thats because Sam M. is full of it.
Im not looking for a script!
Love isnt a script.
His answer: I love you.
Its painful to watch.
Jenn, take this relationship out behind the shed and put it down!
Ive closed this chapter in my life already.
Im done with it."
Thats right, Sam shes comparing you to her toxic ex!
In other words, dont let the Reject SUV door hit you on the way out.
In response, Sam M. packs his suitcase, and accuses Jenn of having dull energy.
Whatever, bro just keep the main thing the main thing, and keep it moving, too.
Our long Bachelor Nation nightmare is over, rose lovers.
And the winners are… Devin and Jonathon!
So sorry, Grant and Spencer, but your journey has come to an end.
But at least producers let him call his mama for consolation.
Welp, rose lovers, were getting close to the end.
Before you go, a few questions.
Were you surprised Jeremy got a hometown date?
How much did you love watching Sam drown in a pool of his own BS?
And will you be purchasing tickets toWicked?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwinor on Bluesky at@kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.
The Bacheloretteairs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
