How do you solve a problem like Brayden?
You kick him out twice.
Welcome toStevenson, Washington, rose lovers!
Charity rocks some pom-poms.ABC
There are only 10 guys left.
“We are halfway through this journey,” announces the Bachelorette.
So… are there only 8 episodes instead of the typical 10 to 12?
Jesse Palmer is a man of many skills.ABC
Or am I overthinking it?
(Don’t answer that.)
After the men settle in at theSkamania Lodge, Palmer arrives with an important public service announcement.
Charity and Dotun get toasty.ABC
Oh, and it’s also time for the first date card.
Even the other men can’t be mad about it because everybody loves Dotun.
“Take the roof off!”
These two are endgame.ABC
jokes one of the guys as the six-foot-seven integrative medicine specialist climbs into Charity’s jeep.
Dotun and Charity arrive at theHigh Steel Bridge.
“I told myself I would never bungee jump,” says the Bachelorette.
Brinley, Kate, and Aria are here to separate the wheat from the chaff.ABC
You know that old saying, girl: People plan, producers laugh.
“I’m definitely shaking a little bit,” admits Dotun.
“I’m terrified, too.”
Cross Aria at your own peril, guys.ABC
(No judgment: I’d be in a fetal position on the ground sobbing.)
“I need to, like, get it together,” frets Charity.
“I really do!”
Everyone hates Brayden.ABC
No, you don’t, girl!
You’re the Bachelorette.
What are they gonna do push you off the bridge?
A d-bag in the wild.ABC
(Don’t answer that.)
But Charity wants to overcome her fear, and having Dotun to cling on to is a big help.
Three… two… one…
That pause, LOL!
Please just shut up.ABC
For a second, I thought they weren’t going to move.
The Bachelorette enjoys falling into the void so much, she and Dotun jump asecondtime.
Congrats, you adorable duo.
Charity and Joey.ABC
Back at the lodge, Brayden is roaming the grounds with Xavier.
After almost having his rose taken away last week, he’s feeling a little less cocky.
“I think I’m in danger this week,” he admits.
Charity and Xavier put their best feet forward.ABC
“She was pissed off at me, bro.”
Okay, I’ve got a few questions for you, sir.
One: Did you not see the camera operator filming you from a distance?
Charity and Xavier.ABC
Three: Do you ever just SHUT THE F— UP?
That night, Dotun and Charity conclude their date by having s’mores for dinner.
And you guys, Dotun has never made s’mores before in his life!
But is Bigfoot here for the right reasons?.ABC
Love this for him.
You kept moving forward, and that helped me move forward."
“She just had this feeling and called my mom one day,” he says.
Looks like the scarf epidemic from season 10 is back.ABC
“I think every day, where would I be without that phone call from my auntie?”
“I cherish that,” he adds.
Charity can relate, because her parents worked hard to give her a comfortable childhood in the suburbs.
Okay, creeper.ABC
“I see there’s a lot more to you in that way,” says Dotun.
“And that’s what’s so attractive.”
Dang it, just give this man the date rose already!
Adventure junkie Brayden is already gloating about not wearing a coat even though it’s chilly.
Meet Skamania Scouts Brinley, Kate, and Aria!
“One’s got a face of steel,” says Aaron.
“She looks pretty intimidating.”
Damn right she does.
So, listen up, chumps.
Fortunately, producers have planted things like raisins and a bunch of raw beets (!)
in the area for the men to find.
While they search, Aria asks Charity if Brayden or Joey is the smartest guy on the date.
“Not Brayden,” the Bachelorette answers with a laugh.
“Definitely not Brayden.”
That’s for damn sure.
Uh-oh, the Scouts are getting impatient.
“Hey smelly boys!
Get back here!”
Not today, Satan.
Aaron brings them a frog (“I’m a Louisiana boy!
“Hey Brayden, do less, bro,” says one of the guys.
2 is a wilderness skills quiz.
“Who would you eat to survive?”
“You do have a lot of meat,” reasons Aria, lord of the underworld.
“I bet you exercise!”
Alas, Brayden flunks the last question: “How do you want this journey to end?”
), Brayden writes, “to be content.”
[Loud buzzer sound] Wrong again, doofus!
The winner of the tree date is… Aaron!
But don’t worry about Brayden, rose lovers he’s doing just fine.
The chyron writers are truly doing some of their best work this season.
Again I say,that’sfor damn sure.
Brayden listens with a smirk on his face.
“It feels like these guys are so naive with their perspective,” he says.
“I just have this idea that my relationship is, like, more real than theirs.”
“You did me dirty, man,” he fumes.
“For no other reason than that you saw that I had a connection with Charity.
“Au contraire, replies Aaron.You’re a totally different dude in the house than you are with Charity.
(I’m paraphrasing.)
“What’s the conversation?”
“Brayden, is there something that I don’t know?
Or what is the problem?”
Adds Tanner, “There’s one person here that’s packed their bags more than twice.”
This is news to Charity.
“Oh,” she says, with a sharp edge to her voice.
With that, the Bachelorette pulls Brayden for a come-to-Jesus talk.
Will he be able to talk himself out of suitor jail yet again?
Let’s listen in.
Somebody grab the lamp because Brayden’s about to start gaslighting!
“I have been down in the dumps since I got to Washington,” he tells Charity.
“I didn’t know what I did wrong.
All of a sudden, you’re mad at me for something I thought we had already talked about.
It honestly hurt!”
Oh, HELL no.
“Do you see how frustrating this is for me?”
And I don’t feel like I’m capable of getting there in this environment.”
Enough said, jackass.
“I am not in a position to fix Brayden,” notes Charity.
(AMEN and Hallelujah to that, rose lovers!)
The Bachelorette leads him to the Reject SUV, where Brayden almost immediately begins to regret his decision.
“I dug my own grave, man,” he says with a sigh.
“I opened my mouth too much.
Kids, that’s calledforeshadowing.
“We’re moving forward!”
The guys are, in a word, psyched.
“It’s kind of been a toxic force in the house,” says Aaron of Brayden.
“And I’m just glad you were able to see that and take action.”
But only one man can get the date rose.
So, congratulations… Joey!
The second one-on-one date of the week goes to Xavier.
He and Charity meet in downtown Stevenson, where they’ll enjoy some “local favorites.”
What better way to find out than by making some foot pear jam?
Their other wholesome date activities include bobbing for apples, sampling pepper jelly, and feeding each other chocolate.
It’s all going well, but something isn’t quite sitting right with Charity.
“There’s just like little things, just like the compliments…
There’s smooching and giggling, but Charity’s doubts still linger.
“He does remind me a lot of my past,” she admits.
“I need loyalty and someone who I can trust.”
Xavier assures her that he’ll never give her anything but “complete honesty” and Charity LOVES it.
Charity is moved to tears by his dedication and devotion.
You know what happens next, rose lovers:
Congrats, Xavier!
Rose ceremony day arrives, and all the guys are feeling good because Brayden is not there.
Even Bigfoot has a spring in his step as he strolls through the woods.
Come on, man did you have to jinx it?
Charity arrives, looking resplendent in a red gown.
“This is what it’s supposed to be me smiling, me feeling good,” gushes Charity.
Come on, girl did you have to jinx it, too?
Someone call the cops because there’s about to be a murder…of the vibe.
Look out, everybody!
The King of Excessive Accessories is here, and he’s coming in hot.
Brayden storms past the men, past the camera crew, and down the hall to find Charity.
Very rude, bro!
Even ruder: He just stands there and watches them like a creep rather than announcing himself.
The Bachelorette is not pleased.
“Um, hi?”
“This is a surprise.”
“I’m on the chopping block!
This is the only time I have, and he steals that moment from me?”
Yeah, that’s some BS.
Remember when I said Brayden wanted to apologize to the Bachelorette?
Brayden’s hoping he can manipulate Charity into taking him back.
“It’s nothing that you did,” he murmurs.
The Bachelorette’s response is so completely perfect, rose lovers, I had to GIF it.
HELL TO THE YES!
Time to send that asshat packing for a second time.
“Hey, bro,” says Aaron, as Brayden brushes past him roughly.
“You apologize to John!”
He follows Brayden outside.
“Why are you here, man?
Seriously, why are you here?”
John also follows Brayden outside, and politely but firmly confronts him about interrupting his time with Charity.
“I have no rose on my chest,” he says.
“And because of that, I might go home, bro.
That’s not how you treat a man!”
Pretty soon Brayden and Aaron are exchanging F-bombs and threats to whoop each other’s butts, etc.
Now the night can get back to normal and everyone can get their time with… Tink!
Here comesJesse Palmerwith his Butter Knife of Bad News.
The cocktail party is over, boys!
Rose ceremony roll call!
Aaron, Tanner, and Sean join Dotun, Joey, and Xavier in the Circle of SafetyTM.
That means we must say goodbye to Michael, Caleb, and adorable data scientist John, poor guy.
Dang, there are only six guys left!
I guess hometowns reallyarearound the corner.
This season is just flying by.
How are you feeling about Charity’s “journey” so far, rose lovers?
Who is your favorite, rose lovers?
Who do you want to see in Paradise?
And HOW FREAKING PSYCHED are you thatThe Bacheloretteis going back to 8 p.m. next week?
Let me know on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Bacheloretteairs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.
