The earring-wearing menace dominated the conversation during The Bachelorette’s Men Tell All reunion.
The Bachelorette’sMen Tell Allreunion episode offers a special kind of agony, rose lovers.
(I’m paraphrasing.)
Back row: Adrian, Peter, John Front row: Tanner, Xavier, Brayden.ABC
“Bro, you were making out with her,” he says.
Brayden insists he never said it.
“Do we have the tape or not?”
LOL.ABC
Adrian is all, “Nobody else heard it?”
(“I had a lot of doubt about your character to some degree.")
“You were constantly complaining about your experience,” he says.
Hello, his name is Peter.ABC
PART 2: #FP explained
Remember this guy?
Of course, you don’t.
His name is Peter, and he was sent home on night one.
Sean’s “#FP” post.ABC
“What it meant was ‘f— Peter,'” he says.
Here’s an example:
Sean wasn’t the only one.
That’s what you are.”
Jesse Palmer and Brayden.ABC
PART 3: Brayden and his hair in the Hot Seat
Gah,moreBrayden?
You know it, rose lovers.
Mercifully, this Hot Seat segment is short.
Jesse Palmer is comfortable with his masculinity.ABC
Looking good, sir.
Now for the worst-kept secret in Bachelor Nation: Brayden is going to Paradise, becauseof coursehe is.
We’re treated to (subjected to?)
Charity is red-hot.ABC
“He has, like, depth,” she says.
“He’s like a Golden Retriever, and I love it.”
How dare you slander Golden Retrievers like that, Kat!
Xavier’s handmade peace offering.ABC
PART 4: [Boooo!]
Xavier in the Hot Seat [Boooo!]
Indeed, the crowd makes their displeasure with Xavier known when he takes his seat next to Palmer.
Tanner gets catcalled.ABC
During the highlight reel, the crowd cheers asCharity sends Xavier packing in Fiji.
Hell to the no is right, ma’am!
So, what does Xavier have to say for himself?
We will accept this rose, Captain Tom.ABC
“It’s kind of tough to watch back,” he says.
“Amistake, bro?
“I think about our time together literally every day,” he says.
Charity, Trista, Desiree, and DeAnna.ABC
Better late than never, buddy.
PART 5: Charity takes the stage
And of course, she looks ah-ma-zing.
After a few pleasantries, Palmer asks Charity what, if anything, she has to say to Brayden.
Your Golden Bachelor, everybody!.ABC
“It was an honor and pleasure meeting you,” begins the Bachelorette politely.
That was really hard for me to watch back… And Palmer is not about to let it slide.
Mediocre-white-male entitlement is a hell of a drug.
Once on the couch, Sean thanks Charity for being awesome.
“You showed us nothing but grace and class the entire time,” he says.
“You made all of us better men.”
Okay, that’s enough, buddy.
“Go back to your seat!”
“You have to be invited up here!
He broke the Bachelor Hot Seat code!”
The Bachelorette says it wasn’t anything that he did.
“You’re awesome, and I’ve told you that,” she adds.
It’s time for Xavier to take his punishment!
“Once thing I want to say is I denounce cheating,” Xavier begins.
“I don’t think you should ever cheat.”
“I can be that faithful person it just didn’t come out in the right way.”
The women in the audience burst into applause.
As for Xavier’s last minute “I love you”?
“You had all day.
We had a whole date that we spent together,” she reminds him.
Saying ‘I love you’ is not going to turn around the situation.”
but obviously nothing he can say is going to redeem his choices during this “journey.”
He’s even cried about it.
“It wasn’t that I was trying to get there to just have sex with you.
That was not my goal.
My goal was to hear more and deepen that connection that we had.”
The Bachelorette listens politely, and then graciously accepts Xavier’s hand-knitted rose.
Charity wishes him the best, and they kill the segment with a hug.
(just never say the words “full kitten” in my presence, I beg you.)
The bloopers, meanwhile, delivered as per usual.
I also loved Charity mainlining the Listerine Strips before her record-breaking kiss.
(Those things are powerful!)
hey welcome Trista Sutter, Desiree Siegfried, and DeAnna Pappas.
(And happy almost-20th anniversary, Trista and Ryan!)
Rose lovers, if you were not bawling after Gerry’s intro package, yo check your pulse.
“Because the day comes too soon for one of you, that you might’t do that.
And I would give anything to be able to do that one more time.”
Where are the tissues, dang it?
But you’ve got to make that decision."
Tears, tears, tears.Aaaandscene!
Holy cow, there’s only one week left, rose lovers!
Are you excited to see Brayden in Paradise?
And will you be watchingThe Golden Bachelor?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Bacheloretteairs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
