Get ready for the shot oclock jokes.
Hello again, dear rose lovers!
You remember Jenn, right rose lovers?
Jenn Tran’s mother on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
But you know what?
Surprises are good, especially in this franchise.
Of course, Jenns also an historic Bachelorette, as the franchises first Asian lead.
Jenn gets ready on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
ABC
Same, mama!
I want to be able to make everybody proud.
Im gonna flirt my little booty off with a bunch of men!
Marcus is first out of the limo on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Tonight, Im going to meet my future husband.
Her limo pulls up to… wait, the flagstones are wet, but thats not the Bachelor Mansion!
Not sure why theyre not shooting at the mansion especially sinceThe Golden Bachelorettedidnt start filming until June.
Marcus packs his flag on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Maybethe family that lives in the mansionhad a sudden urge to use the pool.
Whatever the reason, the journey must go on.
Look the first limo is arriving!
Marvin flashes his pearly whites on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Bring on the dudes.
The dude is so patriotic, he even travels with an American flag in his suitcase.
Okay, thats pretty endearing.
Sam N. has a new nickname on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Marcus hasnt dated for about five years, but hes ready to jump back in now.
Good luck, soldier!
Up next, we haveMarvin, 28:
Look at the smile on this guy!
Sam N. gives his eyelashes some extra oomph on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Marvin is tall, tall, and hot, hot, she gushes.
Sam N., a 25-year-old entrepreneur from California, goes with a high-risk intro.
Theres something about me that I would like for you to know, he says.
Grant beatboxes on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
And that is, I am a virgin.
Jenn stares in silence for a few seconds, perhaps trying to figure out if hes kidding.
Okay, she says at last.
Sam M. is a dead ringer for Juan Pablo on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Sam is just a love virgin, because hes never been in love before.
And Jenn, he hopes, could be that girl.
Another fun fact: While Marcus travels with an American flag, Sam N. travels with an eyelash curler.
Thomas N. on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
His extra effort appears to have worked.
Youve got crazy eyelashes, marvels Jenn.
Has anyone ever told you that?
Brendan chows down on a hot pepper on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Sam N. is the first to make the Jenn-tleman joke, but not the last.
As the next limo arrives, the men inside chant, Jenn-tlemen!
much to our Bachelorettes delight.
Austin sprays an extinguisher on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Born in New Jersey, Grant played professional basketball overseas until an injury ended his career.
Now hes a Porsche-driving day trader with a diamond earring.
Nice work if you’re free to get it, I suppose.
Thomas A. arrives with an armload of cute on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Wait, who let Juan Pablo in here?
Oh, my bad.
Thats justSam M., a 27-year-old contractor from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.
Big Paulie helps Jonathon make his entrance on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
His opening salvo includes a reference to Jenns its shot oclock moment fromAfter the Final Rose.
That was definitely the biggest heartbreak Ive ever experienced, he says.
Now, Sam is say it with me, rose lovers Ready to Find Love AgainTM.
Jonathon reveals too much on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Come ON, that is so cute.
Jenn, who appreciates a good pun, loves it.
Before Jenn knows whats going on, Brendan has downed two hot peppers, and hes quickly turning red.
Dylan arrives on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
A camera operator zooms in on Brendans sweaty forehead, and that camera operator deserves a raise.
Austin, 28, serves up a shot of a different kind.
Someone call 9-1-1, because you are looking so fire!
John puts Jenn on a pedestal on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
he declares, shooting off a spray of foam from a fire extinguisher.
The most cringeworthy intro of the night goes toRicky, a 28-year-old pharmaceutical rep from Miami.
Our Bachelorette does NOT love it.
Hakeem pulls an ‘Up’ on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Was he staring at my boobs the whole time or was that just me?
she wonders aloud once Ricky is out of earshot.
Meanwhile, the most fool-proof intro goes toTomas A., 27, a physiotherapist from Toronto.
Jenn toasts to the beginning of her ‘journey’ on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Because rose lovers, you cannot go wrong with… puppies!
Several of the men watching from the balcony know genius when they see it.
If thats not a first impression, muses one.
Jenn denies Sam M. a kiss on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Of course, the Bachelorette absolutely loves it.
I dont know how anyones going to top that, she says.
Everyone, stop what youre doing right now!
Austin reveals his interesting undies on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
We have aBig Pauliesighting.
I repeat, WE HAVE A BIG PAULIE SIGHTING!
Hes lovesick get it???
Sam N. gets yet another nickname on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
OMG, a rose instead of the Black Box of Shame?
This is a monumental shift, TeamBachelor.
A little heads-up next time would be appreciated.
Jonathon reveals his face on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Hang in there, rose lovers.
It did work for Noah, says Aaron of this process.
Still, hes cautious, because hes already been married once before.
Brian interrupts Jeremy and Jenn on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Not to be outdone by Aarons motorcycle,Jeremy, 29, arrives in a flashy red Corvette.
Hey Palmer, keep it close, he tellsJesse Palmer, tossing the host his keys.
(How many takes do you think they needed to get that shot?)
Jenn gives Sam M. the First Impression Rose on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Really, were bleeping the word penis now?
Another medical student, 25-year-oldJohnfrom Florida, shows up with his very own pedestal for Jenn.
Because hell always put her on a pedestal get it?
Jenn faces her potential husbands on ‘The Bachelorette’.ABC
Honestly, Im surprised no ones done this before.
Ive never been put first in a relationship before.
Ive never been put on a pedestal before, she says.
So, it feels like a little fairy tale.
End of side note.)
Jenn says he gives her a Pete Davidsonvibe, which is both a compliment and an insult.
Last but not least… Would someone kindly cut him free?
Jenns about to make her first toast.
She doesnt expect perfection from the men, but and this part is implied Jenn Tran does expect respect.
Sam M., whos been doing his best to exude alpha-dog energy all night, grabs Jenn first.
Im here for the long haul, he tells her.
What I want out of this is somebody that chooses me the same way I would choose that person.
Way to say something without really saying anything, bro!
The man has the audacity to lean in for a kiss, but Jenn gives him the cheek.
I definitely want to kiss him, but it just didnt feel right in that moment, she says.
I want to get to know their hearts before Im ready to take that step.
Does that mean were going to get a kiss-free season premiere?
That would be pretty refreshing, especially afterJoeys night-one smooch-fest.
And so the poor guy strips down to his… lion undies?
Producershadto know Austin was wearing ridiculous underwear, right?
Moze answers Have you ever ghosted someone?
with a blase, All the time!
Jenn scrunches her face up, clearly displeased, but Hakeems reaction truly priceless.
The dude executes a perfectJim Halpert!
Chefs kiss, guys.
Keep em coming all season.
At last, its time for Jonathon to show the Bachelorette more than just his butt cheeks.
Jonathon is very hot, she says.
Hes making me hot.
I guess the bit was worth it, buddy.
This is my time with the lady.
Eventually, Jeremy decides to be the bigger man.
He goes back inside, and though Jenn is gracious, she seems a little annoyed with Brian.
That was a bold move of you, she says, smiling tightly.
Devin tells Jenn about his challenging childhood and how it led to him having a big personality.
The conversation soon turns to more frivolous things, including his biggest turn-offs.
I like when a girls nails are done, he admits.
Jenn responds by informing Devin that she shaved her toes in preparation for night one.
(Normalize women talking about their body hair!)
The conversation goes so well, Devin thinks he has a shot at the First Impression Rose.
Grant the beatboxer challenges Jenn to a game of hoops.
If I win, I get a kiss, he declares.
The Bachelorette is ok with that wager, and she even considers giving him the first smooch.
He is very much my pop in, she admits.
Hes hot, hes also hot, and hes hot.
Just when shes about to give in, Thomas N. swoops in to steal Jenn away.
But the smooches are nowhere to be found.
Instead, Jenntalksto the men who are trying to court her.
She learns about Marcus career in the military and is surprised to discover that Aaron Erb has 10 siblings.
Youre one of 10?
(Close enough, sweetie.)
Aaron goes on to reveal that his twin brother, Noah, met his fiancee onBachelor in Paradise.
Im the older brother the more mature one, he says with a laugh.
Youre getting the better end of the deal here.
At long last, its time for Jenn to hand out the FiR.
Unfortunately, it doesnt go to Brett, or Hakeem, or even Aaron.
Instead, the winner is…
Sam M.?
And Im not just saying this because he looks like Juan Pablo.
I cant quite put my finger on it, but the guy just radiates douchebag.
Even worse, Jenn grants Sam M. the first (and only) kiss of the night.
Tink!In walks Jesse Palmer with his Butter Knife of Bad NewsTM.
Sunlight is streaming through the windows, and its time for the first culling of the season.
Rose ceremony roll call!
That means we must say goodbye to Brendan, Brett (boo!
), Dakota, Kevin, Matt, Moze, and Ricky.
These men made me feel so special and so deserving, says Jenn, tearing up.
Which I dont feel like often.
Still, shes trying to move out of that headspace.
I am worthy of all these men being here for me.
Darn right, maam!
With that, Jenn announces that theyre leaving the resort tomorrow, and headed to… Melbourne, Australia!
Cue the extra-long this season onThe Bachelorette preview.
Welp, weve made it through week one, rose lovers!
Did Jenn meet (or exceed) your expectations as Bachelorette?
Did you miss the mansion?
Which guys do you like?
And will you join me in urging producers to send Brett to the next season ofParadise?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwinor on Bluesky at@kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.
The Bacheloretteairs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
