Back so soon, rose lovers?
Congratulations on making it throughThe Bachelors two-night extravaganza.
I just want to go home, she weepily tells a producer.
Lea wobbles but she won’t fall down.ABC
Im definitely trying to navigate this with grace, she says.
Man, has any Bachelor contestant ever gone from zero to Villain No.
Lea may have just set a record.
Kelsey and Joey smooch on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Tink!In walksJesse Palmerwith his Butter Knife of Bad News.
The cocktail party is over, ladies.
Get it together and assemble for the ritual disbursement of flowers.
Joey bestows the rose on Kelsey A.ABC
Rose ceremony roll call!
Even Lea seems a little shocked that shes still there.
ABC
Alas, that means we must say goodbye to Edwina and Allison.
Joey and his masterpiece.ABC
Im sure well see one or both in Paradise perhaps with Allisons sister, Lauren.
My world is ROCKED.
With that, Joey and his 12 potential wives are off to Andalusia, Spain.Vamos!
Kelsey T. did not paint an elephant.ABC
Maria makes a toast to all you beautiful women, but somehow, Lea is still feeling salty.
Well, something about this situation sucks, toots, but not the part you think.
Suddenly, the Bachelor zips up on a Vespa to join the women for a cocktail.
Maria, Joey, and a grumpy-looking Jess.ABC
But this is not a group date.
Kelsey A., grab your helmet you and Joey are off to explore the city!
Its definitely a little dagger to the heart, says Jess with a sigh.
Joey and Rachel learn the flamenco on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
Um, yeah, says Kelsey T. I definitely would have kept the card.
I dont know if I would have used it.
We stan an honest queen.
Rachel and Joey smooch on ‘The Bachelor’.ABC
The women continue to sip their sangria, but all of them are feeling pretty glum.
Rachel tears up in her confessional, and Kelsey T. excuses herself to cry in an alleyway.
Hang in there, maam!
Rose ceremony number 5.ABC
As for Kelsey A. and Joey, theyre having a grand old time zipping around Andalusia on the vespa.
Later, they spread out a picnic blanket and talk about the future.
Kelsey says that while shes not yet falling in love, Im starting to trip.
Yes to that, Kelsey!
And Joey is very happy with how she describes her feelings.
Her energy was just so positive, raves Kelsey.
Unfortunately, 10 years ago, Kelseys mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and passed away.
Hearing this, Joey reaches over and takes his dates hand to comfort her.
Great, now Im crying, too.
I know that at the end it is an engagement, says Kelsey.
Its just hard for me sometimes to think about my mom not being there at my wedding.
Oh, my Lord, THIS MAN!
Im sure I dont need to tell you this, but Kelsey A. gets the date rose.
By the end of the night, Kelsey A. has gone from starting to trip to falling for Joey.
Pheromones are a hell of a drug.
And yes, this is a competition.
Says Paula, Whoever conveys their quote most clearly to Joey is going to earn special time with him.
(This whole thing is giving me flashbacks to thatpainful three-on-one group dateduring Katies season ofThe Bachelorette.)
Okay, ladies get painting.
You too, Joey!
You know, I dont hate it?
It’s kind of giving Magritte’s “The Son of Man.”
Its half a heart!
Kelsey T. is trying to tell you that shes looking for her other half!
Come on, man.
Still, Paula and Joey choose Jess as the winner, much to Leas irritation.
She will never end up with him, she sneers.
But one can be delusional.
Girl, take it down a notch.
Jess prize for winning the art contest is some hands-on experience with Joey.
Its the old body painting date, aBachelorfranchise special.
Hope that stuff is water soluble.
The after-party gets off to a pleasant start.
Joey praises Jenn for her surfboard painting and then he smooches her.
Things get more serious when its Marias turn to sit down with him.
Growing up, her mother wasnt around much but the reasons are surprising.
When Maria was just a year old, she and her mother got into a terrible car accident.
(A cement truck basically fell on top of my moms car, she explains.)
Baby Maria was initially declared dead, and her mother broke almost every bone in her body.
The Bachelor LOVES it so much so, he gives Maria the date rose.
In case you cant tell from her face, Jess is bummed.
Lea is also quite annoyed.
My heart is in my ass, she says.
You thought wrong, bitch.
Our second one-on-one date of the episode goes to Rachel.
The shorts and boots combo today is really something I should have thought through, laments the Bachelor.
No one can tell me I look good right now… but thats okay.
You take on those emotions that families have and that patients have, she says.
Ive been with people who say dating a nurse is hard because we work long hours.
Its a lot emotionally to take on when you have a partner whos in the medical field.
The Bachelor gets it, because he is a gem.
You deserve someone to take care of you, he says.
Im just so honored that you feel that with me.
Yes, Rachel gets the date rose.
(I really like Rachel.
Do you agree, rose lovers?)
Holy cow, are we actually going to gettworose ceremonies in this episode?
It sure looks like it.
The evening of the cocktail party arrives, and nerves are high even for the Bachelor.
(Hooray for empathy!)
The Bachelor admits that he struggles at times but says hes doing his best.
Daisy says theres no place shed rather be, and they smooch.
Daisy is 100 percent someone I could fall in love with, says Joey.
Back in the holding pen, Jess is anxious to talk to Joey.
Jess does her best to wait patiently, but she is shocked shocked!
when Maria, who already has a rose, talks to Joey before she can.
Katelyn even comes to her defense, saying Maria was very, very sweet when she interrupted.
But Jess remains riled up, claiming that shes been disrespected by Maria so many times before.
Did every single person watching this show miss something?
Jess, just take a deep breath.
Only you’re free to stop yourself from spiraling.
When Maria returns from her chat with Joey, Jess cant hold in her resentment.
Pretty early convo for someone with a rose, she says in an annoyed, sing-songy voice.
Maria, who has 1-800-HAD-IT with these women, instantly takes the bait and asks Jess why shes upset.
Jess tells Maria her behavior is disrespectful, but when Maria asks her to elaborate, she just scoffs.
Thats what I thought, Maria snaps.
Oh boy, now Jess is fuming.
Youre just so f—ing rude, Maria!
It doesnt really matter, because Jess gets up to leave.
Maria tells her to grow up, and all hell breaks loose.
you better grow the fk up, bitch!
Jess barks, before storming off in tears.
Lea follows her, because she just LIVES for drama.
Tink!Sorry ladies, but Jesse and his Butter Knife of Bad News are here.
like make your way to the rose ceremony.
Who will join Kelsey A., Maria, and Rachel in the Circle of SafetyTM?
Rose ceremony roll call!
So sorry, Autumn and Madina, but your journey ends here.
As for everyone else, youre off to Montreal!
Welp, rose lovers, we survived the two-episode gauntlet.
How are you holding up?
Now that were more than halfway through Joeys journey, who are you rooting for most?
Who (besides Lea) do you want to get the boot ASAP?
And do you see any potential Bachelorettes in the bunch?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
