(With a little help from Mark, that is.)
And boy, was it a doozy:
Now I know what bare it all means!
groans Gary, as he watches the OG Chippendales strut their stuff.
Mark shows Pascal how to wash his clothes on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Thats right, sir!
You and your fellow contestantswill be performing a striptease for Joan and a live audience.
But dont worry its for a good cause.
The many faces of Kaitlyn on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
This is, of course, a cause that is near and dear to Joans heart.
My husband John passed away from pancreatic cancer, she says.
So it means the world to me that you guys will be going out and baring it all.
Joan and Chock smooch on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Its a cause that affected me, losing my wife to cancer, he shares.
The instant change in every one of our attitudes was, Oh, lets get this going.
Charles, bless him, chooses some kind of tourist get-up.
Chock gets the date rose on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Im young, energetic, and handsome, he informs us.
You aint lying, sir!
The audience is loaded in, and then its showtime.
REO Speedwagon in the house on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Jonathan, dressed as Sergeant Sexy, does his solo first, and he sets the bar high.
And no, hes never done this before.
The crowd, of course, just eats it up.
Joan shows Guy how to zest a lemon on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
They douse the men with (fake) dollar bills and shriek and whoop at each runway walk.
When the show ends, the guys celebrate with a group hug.
This was so much fun, raves Keith.
Guy and Joan eat cupcakes on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
We want to show the world that its ok to be you and have fun at this age.
After they put their clothes back on, the guys join Joan for the afterparty.
(Shes feeling better, fortunately.)
Joan gives Guy the date rose on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Jonathan presents her with his sparkly gold Sgt.
Mark bonds with her over finding love again after loss.
And the date rose goes to…
Congrats, Chock!
Jonathan and Joan eat Cheerios on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The next morning, though, we find Chock out by the pool and hes crying.
My mothers been very ill, stage four, he explains through tears.
And, uh, my mother passed this morning.
Chock surprises Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Even though he knew it was coming, Chock is understandably distraught.
Chock heads inside to tell the men, and they guys are devastated for him.
I just want you to know, Im going to leave, Chock reports.
Dan and Charles on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
As theyre all sharing goodbye hugs, Joan arrives at the mansion for her one-on-one date with Jordan.
Chock greets her in the driveway and breaks the bad news.
Im so, so sorry, says Joan through her tears.
Chock explains that he needs to go home and check on his family.
I knew youd support me on that, he adds, and indeed, she does.
Youve got to do this for yourself, says Joan.
Youve got to honor your mother, and youve got to take care of your family.
Naturally, the show wants us to believe that Chock is leaving this journey for good.
Chock, meanwhile, says hes going to check on his family.
Its a subtle difference, but one that will become important later.
Okay, Jordan, its time for your one-on-one date.
Todays melt my heart date involves… ice skating!
Jordan does NOT love it, but hes willing to power through.
I cant imagine anything Im worse at than ice skating, he admits.
But for Joan, Ill give it a shot.
Thats not going to be the only time.
Who approved this date anyway???
Suddenly, the (artificial) pine trees in the background part, revealing… REO Speedwagon!
In case you havent already guessed, rose lovers, Jordan gets the date rose.
The final date of the week goes to Guy.
Hes divorced, and for a long time he withdrew and wasnt ready to start dating again.
Now, though, hes in the mood for love.
One tray of lemon baked ziti coming up!
Joans surprised that Guy barely knows how to zest a lemon.
The guys an ER doctor!
Im a little worried.
He does a little better chopping the onion, and more importantly, he follows orders pretty well.
While the ziti bakes in the oven, he and Joan make cupcakes for dessert.
You havent even had your dinner yet!
Im telling you, this has been the best time in the last six-and-a-half years, he raves.
Honestly, its better than therapy.
And Joan is just, like, incredible.
When our youngest went away, all of a sudden we were semi-empty nesters, he tells Joan.
You know what happens next, rose lovers:
Dopamine is just exploding out of my ears right now!
(Spoken like a true medical professional.)
Chock is an important part of this to me, she says.
So, going into tonight, I feel a little scared.
Still, she puts on a brave face and heads into the party with a positive attitude.
Joan understands, and then they sample some macarons.
Over two heart-shaped bowls of (promotional consideration provided by) Cheerios, Jonathan and Joan compare morning routines.
The 62-year-old girl dad drops some not-so-subtle (and not-so-articulate) hints about wanting a one-on-one date.
Im nervous, Im sweatin, he tells us.
Im hoping Im not dripping on the freaking food!
Maybe I just got in my head or something, Keith sighs.
As Keith slinks off in embarrassment, someone else calls Joans name.
Could that be…?
Yes, yes, it is!
Chocks back, everybody!
But we knew he wasnt gone for good, didnt we, rose lovers?
There was no way I was not coming back, he says.
Before people start screaming online about how could he skip his moms funeral to be on a reality show?
That said… Im starting to have some questions about Chock.
I dont think he really listens, he explained.
Hes always waiting to talk.
He seems a bit too polished, and maybe a little too eager.
Anyhow, he and Joan agree to let their armor down and open up more to each other.
Then they smooch some more.
Welp, readers, its that time.
Rose ceremony roll call!
She didnt give Charles a rose!
Charles, our national treasure, is going home!
WHY????
The other guys are just as broken up.
Im a little choked up because Ill miss everybody, says Dan.
I live alone, and living with a group of brothers is pretty cool.
Ugh, I love him, too.
Though hes headed home, Charles has no regrets.
I arrived in the mansion with sadness, he says.
The episode ends with the remaining guys coming out of the mansion to crash the exit interviews.
Im not crying Im sobbing!
How are we going to get through the rest of this journey without our dear Charles?
Without adorable Gary and his positivity?
Without Dan and his gentle spirit?
Without… actually,lets not talk about Gil.
Welp, rose lovers, were nearly halfway through the season.
Before you go, a few questions: Are you surprised Keith got a rose?
Do you think Guy has a shot at going far?
And how many Charles L. for Golden Bachelor emails are you willing to send to ABC this week?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwinor on Bluesky at@kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.
The Golden Bacheloretteairs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
