Welcome back, rose lovers.
I hope you’ve recovered from Jenn’sdumpster fireBachelorettefinaletwo weeks ago and are ready to believe in TV love again.
Understandable if you haven’t, but have a go at shake it off, folks.
Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I dont know if you could have two great loves in one lifetime, she muses.
ABC
Oh no not a flashback to her love story with her late husband John!
I cant take it the wedding photos!
John Vassos' headstone on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The delivery room photos!
Best 33 years ever, says Joan with a sigh.
She goes on to share her memories of him being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Joan is ready for love on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I just couldnt accept that he wasnt going to be here anymore, she admits.
One night, she checked on him at 1 a.m. and he was alive.
I came back around 3, and he…
Jesse Palmer starts Joan’s “journey” on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Her voice drops to a whisper.
He had died, and I wasnt there with him.
We are not even five minutes in and Im already weepy.
Kim salutes Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Damn you,Goldenfranchise!
I had all these plans with John, she says.
And then my future left with him.
Joan tastes Chock’s soup on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
It died with him.
Okay, everybody, lets all take a minute to compose ourselves.
Three… two… one…
No one is going to replace John, says the Golden Bachelorette.
Jonathan has a blind date with Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
But I have a big heart, and theres room for somebody else.
And dont worry, that handsome whippersnapperJesse Palmerwill be there to lend a sympathetic ear along the way.
First out of the limo we have Pascal, and ooh-la-la he is a dashing, 69-year-old Frenchman.
Jonathan and his kids on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Joan is very attrac-teeve, he purrs.
I like a woman who knows how to present themselves.
The feeling is mutual.
Bob and his camcorder on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
You are very charming, the Golden Bachelorette tells him, adding that his accent is very sexy.
This officer and gentleman is Kim.
His second wife, Mary, passed away after eight-and-a-half years of marriage.
Jack serenades Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Life is short, says Kim.
And Mary would be very disappointed if I wasnt opening myself up to love somebody again.
Six years after her death, hes ready.
Protect Charles L. at all costs (‘The Golden Bachelorette’).ABC
Not necessary, you demons!)
Sir, she is wearing couture!
But the Golden Bachelorette isnt about to be rude, so she gives it a taste.
Guy greets Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
We love the confidence, sir!
Wait a minute, why are producers allowing this gentleman to walk BLINDFOLDED on the mansions flagstone driveway?
Nobody wants to see a single senior break a hip tonight!
David arrives on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Fortunately, Jonathan, 61, makes it over to Joan without wiping out.
What you had to say about being invisible at our age really resonated with me, he explains.
So, I wanted to make our first moment as special as I possibly can.
Keith and Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
The Golden Bachelorette removes his mask, and she likes what she sees.
This guy a divorced father of two is gorgeous!
Rose lovers, I feel like we might have our next Golden Bachelor candidate?
Mark greets Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Sorry, Im getting ahead of myself.
For all we know, Jonathan and Joan could end up together.
Also, there are still 20 men to come.
Pascal is very French on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Jordan has three daughters himself, and like Joan, he believes family is everything.
So of course, he enters dancing.
says Gary as he boogies his way over to Joan.
Dan’s got a great head of hair (‘The Golden Bachelorette’).ABC
Youre very shy, arent you?
the Golden Bachelorette jokes.
Gregg presents Joan with a sand dollar.
Gregg and Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
So far, most of the entrances have been pretty understated but Jack is here to bring the showmanship.
When the 68-year-caterer finishes singing Sinatra, he offers Joan a thematic greeting.
Once Jack gets inside, he gives himself a decent review.
Joan races Charles K. on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I actually think I did okay!
I really think that she liked it, he says.
And that dress shes got on freakin hot!
Charles L. inspects the fridge on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
Confession: I fell hard for Charles L., 66, the second he stepped out of the limo.
Im 66 years old, but I look like 36, he jokes.
This adorable father of two lost his wife six years ago after 36 years of marriage.
Jonathan recites a poem for Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
She was my first and only love, he says.
Protect this senior stud at all costs.
Speaking of studs, this Guy wows Joan.
The First Impression Rose arrives on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
You are very handsome, she tells the 66-year-old ER physician.
Not a bad idea, tbh.
Suddenly he drops it, and Joan steps forward to help him.
Joan digs in to Jack’s meal on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
No need, maam.
Thats right, rose lovers.
This 62-year-old portfolio managerjust pulled a Jack Palance, God bless him.
Keith gets the First Impression Rose on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
These men are freaking adorable.
And its not cosplay, folks.
The man is a rancher from Texas!
Michael gets emotional on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
(I just wish they had let him adjust his pant legs before striding up to meet Joan.)
(Cant blame him.)
Keith, 62, drives up in an old-fashioned, wood-paneled station wagon piled with luggage.
The men assemble for the rose ceremony on ‘The Golden Bachelorette’.ABC
I think I stand out just by being me, Keith says in his intro package.
Im 65, 240, loud.
I get excited about life.
Now hes ready to move forward and find love… just like Joan!
And by the looks of it, shes into it.
The final limo arrives, and out steps Kelsey,the winnerofThe Bachelorseason 28.
But dont worry, shes not trying to ditch Joey for a shot at Joan.
Instead, shes on a set-up mission.
Get on over here, Mark!
You remember Mark, right rose lovers?
We met him duringKelseys hometown dateonThe Bachelor, and the internet fell hard.
When it aired, Kelsey said, Dad, theyre doing thirst traps!
First, I was like, Whats a thirst trap?
You just call me mom!
Not so fast, missy.
Its time to head inside and spend some more time with the 24 gentleman hoping to woo you.
I dont know if Im being naive, but I think it could really work.
The French dont mess around, one of the other guys says with a chuckle.
Indeed, they do not.
Pascal, you see, owns a successful beauty salon in Chicago and he is living the life.
And I would like to be able to have a partner to share my life with.
Im looking for a gentleman, which you certainly seem to be, she says.
It is as sweet as youd expect.
An excerpt: You are the greatest father.
Thank you for the advice you have given me.
You are my rock.
I love you, and I hope that Joan will be a good fit for you you difficult SOB.
(Pascal pronounces it as sob, which is also pretty endearing.)
Ive been wooed tonight by a Frenchman, she says with a smile.
Maybe theres someamourin our future.
Dan, the private investor from Florida, chats with Joan next.
My daughters got me into this, he explains.
He has two girls, one of whom he adopted because she never had a father.
Also, can we talk about this guys awesome hair?
The matching Hawaiian shirts are sending me.
First of all, I have to apologize for earlier, he says.
My entrance was atrocious.
After that, they play a little driveway pickleball, and Jordan comes away feeling very relieved.
At least she gets to know Im normal, he says.
Or a mostly normal person.
There were balls flying everywhere!
says Joan with a laugh.
It was total chaos.
Fortunately, no one hit Joan in the face with a plastic ball, but it was close.
(Looking at you, Dan with the good hair!)
Rose lovers, we have to take a moment to acknowledge the episodes unofficial narrator, Jack.
Look at this place!
he marvels, strolling across the back patio.
Weve got the freaking pool thats unbelievable!
Ive been in some nice places, but probably never this nice.
The camera follows him as he heads back inside.
he says, approaching the wall-mounted candle display.
I can tell you right now weve got, uh, weve got about 72 candles up there.
Its real nice, he says, pleased.
They have a humongous refrigerator!
Honestly, its completely adorable.
Is there anything more grandfatherly than inspecting a new location and raving about its amenities?
But enough about the real estate!
Were here for romance.
To that end, Kim and Joan are having their own one-on-one chat in the candle room.
And now that day is here.
If it werent for you, he adds, I wouldnt be here.
Ive got a second chance at life, he says.
Im here to see if lightning could strike twice.
Figurative lightning, just!
The conversations continue, and all the men seem to be having a great time getting to know Joan.
Things get a little more romantic with Jonathan, who recites a poem he wrote especially for Joan.
Im grateful and blessed to see you in that dress?
This man has cha-rizz-ma for days, rose lovers.
But will he get this?
If I knew that, I would have done a better job!
I was just, like, very nonchalant.
Joan, do me a favor, says Chock.
Lets keep Jack in the game, because Im a big, hungry guy.
When Jack serves up his meal to Joan, they defyBachelorfranchise convention and actually eat it.
says the Golden Bachelorette.
Ive been more excited about this than Ive been about anything Ive done in years, he confesses.
Im so excited to get to know Joan better.
And thats exactly what he does.
She said, Dad, youre not going to be happy about what I did, he recalls.
And she goes, Well, I signed you up for theGolden Bachelor.
So, that started the process.
Im lonely, he admits.
Im looking for that person.
Why am I getting misty again?
But there is no time for tears right now Joans about to hand out the First Impression Rose!
And the lucky gentleman is…
And this time, he DOES get a smooch.
(A chaste one, but Ill admit I was wrong!)
Keith makes me feel safe, says Joan.
And it’s something I havent felt since John passed away.
Everyone gathers around to watch as video messages from the guys children play on the screen.
They all share heartfelt well-wishes and encouragement.
Man, were all going to be in tears here, says Bill.
I love the way they are supporting each other, says Joan of the men.
Theyre patting each other on the back.
Theyre hugging each other.
Some of them are crying.
Not just some of them, Joan!
Damn you, stupid show!
Ugh, theres only one thing left to do, rose lovers: Kill some senior dreams.
That means we must say goodbye to Bill, David, Ken, Pablo, RJ, and Thomas.
Send them all toGolden Bachelor in Paradise, dammit!
(Also, can someone just find Davids horse?
Hes going to need it to get home.)
Welp, rose lovers, week one ofGolden Bacheloretteis in the books!
The Golden Bacheloretteairs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
