This week, Gerry took Theresa and Leslie to Costa Rica and the Fantasy Suites.
If youre triggered by the concept of senior citizens having sex, keep reading at your own risk.
when I saw it on screen.
Gerry with the tough questions on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
And yes, the Golden Bachelor means what you think he means.
ABC
Short answer: Yes.
The host is, in a word, uncomfortable.
Who will join Gerry in those outdoor tubs?.ABC
Gerry loves how playful and authentic Leslie is, and he admits that hes fully in love with her.
But if you thought these two were done talking about knocking boots, you were wrong.
Gerry says hell venture to read the room and if sex seems like a possibility, great.
Gerry and Leslie survived the cliff.ABC
That would be a moment that I wouldnt want to rush, he adds.
This might be the last time in my life!
Get out there and choose a tub-mate!
Gerry hugs Leslie on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Leslie gets the first date.
Though she was hoping for a slightly tamer activity like ziplining, Leslie isnt about to chicken out.
Im very nervous right now, she says.
Gerry, you haven’t even had your date with Theresa yet!.ABC
I gave birth three times!
I should be able to do this!
Thats the spirit, glamma!
Leslie and Gerry get cozy in the Fantasy Suite on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
I am so, so proud of you!
After their adventure, he and Leslie enjoy a soak in a picturesque lagoon and share a few smooches.
From there, its on to the all-important pre-Fantasy Suite dinner.
Gerry and Leslie keep their room cool on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Specifically, he wants to discuss some of the hard questions theyve maybe been avoiding.
Leslies all,Oh, you want hard questions?
Ill give you hard questions.
Gerry hugs Theresa on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Gerry nearly does a spit-take, but he recovers.
Are you talking about by myself or with someone?
Then conversation then turns to more practical matters, like where they might live should they end up together.
Gerry and Theresa on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
I think we can figure that out, she says.
Instead of being bi-coastal, we can be bi-midwestern.
Gerry LOVES that answer.
Gerry and Theresa get comfy in the Fantasy Suite on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
You said the magic words: We can figure it out.
He reiterates that should they end up together, he is in it for the longest of long hauls.
Leslie is moved to tears.
Even through two marriages, those words were foreign to me.
And every year, its like Groundhog Day, she says, her voice shaking.
Im alone on my birthday.
And I dont want to be alone anymore.
SOMEBODY HUG LESLIE RIGHT NOW yo!
Also, I am SO MAD at this show for making me bawl like a baby EVERY WEEK!
OMG, the way Gerry scooted his chair over so he could comfort Leslie!
This show is truly trying to murder me with its sweetness.
Of course, I dont.
And thats where something truly scandalous happens.
Im sorry, WHAT?
Did Gerry just reveal who hes picking at the end?
The Golden Bachelor just keeps the youre the one train going.
I have to have you with morning coffee.
I have to have you when I go to bed at night, he says.
I dont know how we would decide where we would live.
Well have to figure that out.
But I think theres no one else Id rather venture to figure it out with.
Well… okay then!
The scene ends with Gerry going to find the thermostat because their Fantasy Suite is warm.
When Leslie says she likes the temperature set at 69, our Golden Bachelor giggles like a 13-year-old boy.
Bless his corny heart.
The next morning…
Oh my God, these producers are SO unserious.
Never change, you lunatics.
Gerry and Leslie are relaxing in bed, sipping coffee.
People want to know what happens in these Fantasy Suites, acknowledges Gerry in his confessional.
And quite honestly, I feel like its none of their f—ing business!
But lets not argue.
And shes not just excited, shes huju excited.
It is getting much more difficult to compartmentalize this.
Gerrys really quiet on this horse, she says.
When they hop off the horse, Gerry admits to Theresa that hes been feeling a little off.
This is a tough day, he says.
I have no roadmap for this.
I just can see a life with you, she adds.
Im looking at Theresa going, My God.
What is wrong with you, Turner?
She is the ideal woman for you, he says.
But at the same time, Im thinking, Whats Leslie doing right now?
Oh boy, things arent looking good for Theresa.
Or and hear me out, rose lovers is that just what producers want us to believe?
Is that whats going on here?
At dinner, Gerry asks Theresa to tell him about her job in securities.
Theresa shares her story, which Ill admit is pretty impressive.
She was working as a homemaker, and then one day she decided to buy her first stock.
Though she had to compete with a bunch of recent college grads, Theresa got the job she wanted.
(Yes, yes, I know shes from a different generation, but come on, woman!
The 1950s called they want their outdated societal norms back!)
Then her daughter brought her an program forThe Golden Bachelor.
When she got accepted, Theresa says, she felt that it was meant to be.
I seriously saw that as fate.
The Golden Bachelor LOVES it.
Because thats what this darn show does to me.
Clearly, dinner is going better than the daytime portion of the date.
Cut to:
I havent slept with another man since my husband, Theresa tells us.
I want to spend the night with Gerry.
Both Theresa and Gerry are all smiles the next morning as they share coffee on the bed.
Last night was very special, says Theresa.
He saw a side of me he didnt know existed.
Good for you, maam.
As for the Golden Bachelor?
I feel like its the first day of the rest of my life, he says.
Well, well, well.How the turntables have turned.
A day ago, Leslie was the one.
Now, Gerry seems ready to put a ring on Theresas finger.
Mr. Turner, youve gotten yourself into quite the pickle.
Darn you, Thanksgiving!
Would you like to see either of them as the Golden Bachelorette?
And whats your ideal thermostat setting?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Golden Bachelorairs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
