“I was fortunate enough to get the first date.
That was amazing,” Theresa says.
“I really do feel like I have a good connection with him.
Theresa, Joan, Leslie, Christina, and Faith on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
But so does Leslie, and so do you, and so do you.”
“It’s like somebody electrocuted them!”
“It’s likeThe Three Faces of Eve!”
Susan and April.ABC
(Google it, kids.)
Sorry, but we must take a second to appreciate Susan’sDia De Los Muertos-inspired pajamas.
It turns out this little gathering isn’t just a regular coffee klatch.
Kaitlyn Bristowe, Gerry Turner, and Jesse Palmer.ABC
And here’s the really good news: All the ladies are invited!
“Awww, that’s my man!”
Not taking the bait, Leslie acknowledges that Gerry is (currently) everyone’s man.
Kathy and Theresa take in Leslie’s performance on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
As for the group date activity, it’s a Bachelor franchise staple: A talent show.
(The very same talent show I witnessed as part ofmy set visit last month.
More on that tomorrow, rose lovers.)
Gerry is moved to tears.ABC
“I don’t really have any talents,” frets Joan.
“But I’ll give it my best!”
“Today gives me the opportunity to see a different side of their personalities,” he says.
Gerry and Joan on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
“I think it’s going to be a whole bunch of fun.”
Love how the audience reacts like Beyonce just arrived.
Simmer down, folks.
Joan gets the date rose.ABC
(JK, Kaitlyn we love you.)
Break a leg, ladies!
(But not really!
Leslie, Joan, and Theresa on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
like be careful!)
Sandra goes first, and she tells a spicy joke about a man choosing between two women to marry.
(Spoiler alert: It involves Sandra saying the word “boobs” while cupping her own.
Joan breaks the bad news to Gerry.ABC
Susan impresses (or frightens?)
Gerry with her karate skills, and Ellen… well, you’ve just gotta see it.
Her talent, you see, is teaching sex ed to middle schoolers.
Gerry processes Joan’s departure on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
(Gerry LOVES it and gives her a standing ovation.)
“I realized we have skills!”
“When I walked on that stage, those skills were alive and well, and so was I.
An assortment of gowns for Ellen.ABC
And I’m proud of it.”
Hell yeah, April!
I’m mentioning this now because it’s time for her talent.
Oh for Pete’s sake.ABC
Hit it, you sixty-something siren!
“Leslie’s a very talented dancer,” Susan says.
“But she got a little dirty there, a little sexy there at the end.
Gerry and Ellen on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.
Yeah, maybe it was a little much.”
Looks like Kathy and Theresa agree.
I can understand why they were a little taken aback.
Gerry gives Kathy an early rose.ABC
Leslie ends her performance by producing a plate of cookies and declaring, “I bake, too!”
She pops a cookie in Gerry’s mouth and then gives him a quick kiss.
After watching all of these bold women show off their talents, Joan is scared.
Kathy lets Theresa have it on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
“This is not my thing,” she admits.
It’s very sweet.
The Golden Bachelor just LOVES it.
Awww, don’t cry, Gerry!
It’s time to choose which woman you’re taking to dinner.
And the winner is… Joan!
Everyone claps for her, though the other women are clearly disappointed.
“I’m a little emotional about it,” says Leslie, tearing up.
Emotional maturity FTMFW!!!!
Holy cow, it’s our first romantic dinner date of the season!
Joan enquires about Gerry’s (semi-recent) dating history.
Joan can totally relate.
Now, two and a half years later, she’s Ready to Find Love AgainTM.
“I’m as excited to be spending time with you as I’ve ever been with anyone.”
Rose lovers, do I even need to tell you what happens next?
And then they share a smooch.
These two are just too sweet together!
The next morning, however, Joan gets some bad news.
Her daughter, who is only 15 days postpartum, is really struggling and she needs her mom.
(Boy, have I been there.)
“My family needs me,” she tells the other women through her tears.
“I wish I could be here for the whole journey.”
Pretty soon, everybody’s crying including me.
“My heart’s breaking, I know how bad she wanted to be here,” Susan says.
Oh, my goodness, poor Gerry has no idea what’s about to hit him.
“I woke up this morning feeling like a million bucks!”
But I think he’s more of a casual viewer.
I don’t want to leave our journey, but I’ve got to be a parent."
Ugh, it never gets easier watching this precious man cry.
“I get it, I understand,” he says, his voice tight with tears.
“But I can’t tell you how disappointed I am.”
“My heart, it maybe got a little fix from Gerry,” Joan continues.
People don’t see you anymore, like you’re not as significant as when you’re young."
I’m only 51 and Ifeltthat.
Congrats, ma’am and enjoy your trip to “dress paradise.”
And don’t worry about Ellen; she’s LOVING herPretty Womanmoment.
“She looked stunning,” Gerry gushes.
“But what completed her look was the big smile on her face.”
(This man is almost too pure.)
Then it’s time for something truly special…
Come on!
ABC had to shoehorn Neil Lane product placement intoThe Golden Bachelor?
And it’s rose ceremony day again!
“I don’t want to hear that,” she says.
“I think she thinks she’s got this.”
Theresa suspects this is aimed at her, and she does NOT love it.
The mood is certainly the tensest it’s been when Gerry arrives.
Fortunately for him, none of the women rush to tattle on anyone else.
Instead, the women attempt to work it out among themselves.
Speaking of Kathy, she’s having her one-on-one time with Gerry now.
She’s showing him photos of her dad, and it’s making her emotional.
Gerry consoles her with a big hug.
“I’ve had a rough day,” Kathy continues.
“The last 24 hours or so, I’ve had a lot of meanness towards me.”
Naturally, the Golden Bachelor finds this concerning.
Kathy doesn’t name names, even when Gerry asks her who she’s talking about.
Gerry is quite moved by this, and he excuses himself for a moment.
Cut to:
Well, whaddya know?
Kathy’s getting an early rose!
She pulls Kathy for a quick one-on-one chat on the (in)famous Bachelor mansion hallway stairs.
Theresa barely has time to get the “what’s going on?”
question out of her mouth before Kathy responds.
Go pack because you’re going home,'" she says.
“That’s how you’ve made me feel sometimes.”
Theresa is mortified and starts to cry.
But Kathy doesn’t let up!
That’s not a pretty picture, Theresa."
Who’s displaying some excessive “meanness” now?
What comes out of our mouths is our responsibility, and we own it."
Um, exactly, Kathy.
Maybe dial the anger down to a 5?
It probably won’t come as a surprise to hear that Theresa leaves this conversation in tears.
Faith tries to comfort her, and then producers send Gerry in to get the drama debrief.
With that, it’s time for the rose ceremony.
Who will join Kathy and Ellen in the Circle of SafetyTM?
That means we must say goodbye to Edith and Christina.
Good luck to you, ladies!
“Theresa, that’s the kind of stuff you’ve got to keep to yourself!”
From the looks of the preview, this senior spat spills over into next week.
But for now, rose lovers, we’re down to our final nine.
Were you sorry to see Joan leave early?
Do you think there’s a romantic spark between Ellen and Gerry?
And what do you think caused Susan’s gas her meatballs or Edith’s guacamole?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Golden Bachelorairs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
