That’s how many times I cried during this episode ofThe Golden Bachelor, rose lovers.
And we’re only on week two!
Production is actually making some of these senior women sleep in bunk beds.
Bunk beds. Seriously.ABC
“Or I might find a closet to sleep in.”
“I’ve had my knees replaced,” she explains.
“That’s a lot of climbing.”
Theresa and Susan.ABC
(Is this the most relatable segment inBachelorfranchise history?
Once the women settle in,Jesse Palmerarrives to deliver the first date card.
But not everyone is excited.
Theresa comforts Gerry on their terrifying drive in the dark.ABC
Oh, my Lord, I love these women so much.
And the first one-on-one goes to… Theresa!
The other women erupt in (genuine) applause, as Theresa blushes with anticipation.
Theresa and Gerry share a shake.ABC
“I’m really a little scared,” she admits.
Billy was Theresa’s husband, and they got married when she was just 18.
The way these women support each other!
Don’t stop believin', Gerry and Theresa!.ABC
We’re just a few minutes in and I’m already getting weepy, dang it.
I’ve been doing hair for 35 years!")
Sad to see you go, ma’am!
Franco and Gerry.ABC
If you’re still single next year, come back for season 2!
Now, back to this week’s “journey.”
Gerry arrives at the mansion in a baby blue Corvette roadster.
Lookin' groovy, Natascha!.ABC
Don’t let that car’s good looks fool you it’s actually an instrument of death!
(More on that in a moment.)
“I’m wild with anticipation right now,” the Golden Bachelor says.
This wig is a hate crime.ABC
Awwww, this man is such a pure soul.
He and Theresa climb into the roadster and head out on the road.
Night has fallen, and the California freeway is dark.
April comforts Nancy.ABC
Good thing the Corvette has powerful headlights….
Sorry, what’s that, Gerry?
Your headlights aren’t working?
Nancy gets the date rose.ABC
you’re free to’t read the signs or see the road in front of you?
Good God, producers, are youtryingto kill the first-ever Golden Bachelor?
I swear on all that is holy, if anything happens to these two…
Peggy, Kathy, and April.ABC
In an effort to soothe Gerry’s understandably frazzled nerves, Theresa puts her hand on his shoulder.
“You’re doing a wonderful job,” she tells him, and Gerry LOVES it.
“This is my first time driving on a California freeway.
Joan and Gerry take their relationship to new heights.ABC
“She seems very sensitive.”
Fortunately, no Golden Bachelors or Bachelorettes were harmed on the drive.
“I was serving fries and milkshakes, and it wasn’t elegant,” he says.
Gerry and Ellen.ABC
Later in life, Billy developed kidney problems, and he died before he could get a transplant.
“Neither one of us thought this was going to happen,” Theresa continues.
“We thought we were going to live with our spouses for the rest of our lives.”
Bring it with the bold colors, ladies!.ABC
Lord help me, this show is going to send me to an early grave.
Deep breaths, rose lovers.
We’ll get through this.
SOMEONE GIVE THIS MAN A HUG RIGHT NOW!.ABC
For Gerry, talking with Theresa about the experience of losing her husband is profound.
“I didn’t feel like breaking down and crying for once,” he says.
“I felt like I was talking to someone that understood the loss of a spouse.”
It makes him feel closer to Theresa, and he tells her so.
“I really like you a lot,” he admits.
How cute are these two?
“You don’t stop believing!”
“You just don’t stop believing!”
Okay, flash mob that’s your cue!
Hell yes, she’ll accept this rose, Gerry!
“You are so lovable,” the Golden Bachelor tells Theresa as they share a sweet hug.
On to the first group date of the season!
You know what that means, rose lovers: Today’s date is a photo shoot.
And not just any photo shoot it’s a romance novel cover shoot.
“I love color and pizazz, and it represents me!”
(Man, I would kill for a tenth of Natascha’s confidence.)
Leslie, however, is left with a biker jacket, which totally bums her out.
“I feel like I’ve got a raccoon on my head,” he jokes.
Putting on the gown for the photo shoot “brought back all of these emotions,” Nancy continues.
“The best day of my life was getting married to my husband, Mark.”
“I really miss him,” Nancy says.
Ugh, this poor woman.
She’s still upset when it’s her time to take photos with Gerry.
“I’ll be honest with you.
Gerry is immediately moved.
“Aww, Nancy!”
For Nancy, the memories were both sadandjoyful, as so many memories are.
“I still have hope moving forward,” she says.
“I think that’s really important.”
Naturally, Gerry LOVES it.
The Golden Bachelor spends the rest of the afternoon getting to know his 10 dates a little bit more.
Christina had plans to go to the original Woodstock, but she ended up having a baby instead!
Edith loves to cook!
Ellen has a master’s degree in health education!
April believes her job on this planet is “to open up the hearts of others”!
Like Gerry, Leslie also wears hearing aids on each ear!
So many deserving contenders for the date rose.
Who will it be?
The other women literally said “Awwww” in unison when Gerry called Nancy’s name.
How adorable is that?
“Getting the rose tonight means so much to me,” says Nancy.
“I’m looking forward to getting to know him even more.”
The next day, Gerry arrives at the mansion for an afternoon cookout ahead of the rose ceremony.
But when he strolls into the living room, no one is there.
“Where is everybody?”
Pssst, Gerry check out back!
It’s Gerry’s birthday, and the women are ready to celebrate him.
Like the Boy Scouts, TeamBacheloris always prepared.
First up, Susan talks to Gerry all about how much she loves cooking.
“I made chicken piccata for everybody!”
“I was frying meatballs at 7:30, 8 o’clock this morning!”
Meanwhile, Kathy’s manning the grill while April and Peggy look on.
You kiss your grandchildren with that mouth!
Just kidding, I love her.
(“You get this every birthday!”
she informs him.)
But all this man really needs to be happy is a warm hug.
“Natascha, you are a great hugger!”
the Golden Bachelor says.
“That part of you reminds me of my wife.”
Yes, I’m tearing upagain.
Joan is also feeling a little emotional today.
“I’ve only had two birthdays since my husband passed away,” she says.
“It was a tough day.
I have a hard time looking at the pictures, still.”
“Gerry is definitely the first person I’ve dated that has lost a spouse,” Joan says.
Speaking of connections, I’m calling it now: Ellen and Gerry are endgame.
When the Golden Bachelor sits down with Ellen, he gives her a present even though it’shisbirthday.
It’s a framed photo from their romance novel shoot!
Ellen is moved to tears.
“I am feeling so special,” she says, her voice breaking.
“And honestly, I haven’t felt special in a very long time.”
Oh boy, there will beno breakfor my tear ducts this season.
Gerry clearly believes that Ellen is special.
“I really love your personality,” he tells her, and they share a very sweet hug.
Holy cow, these one-hour episodes just fly by.
Is it rose ceremony time already?
Looking good, ladies!
You too, Gerry.
“A few days ago, we all met.
We were strangers,” the Golden Bachelor begins.
“And today, I look at this group of women, and you’re all my friends.
That really makes a night like this very difficult for me.”
Oh, boy here come the tears.
(Mine and Gerry’s.)
Rose ceremony roll call!
Hang in there, sir!
you’re able to do it!
Alas, this means we must bid farewell to Peggy, Jeanie, and Natascha.
“You ok?”
he asks Gerry, gently rubbing his back.
“I know it’s tough.”
We are on week two, rose lovers.
How on earth is Gerry going to survive the next six weeks?
If the faulty vehicles don’t kill him, these rose ceremonies might.
“A lot of us, we really were kind of giving up on love,” Jeanie says.
Gerry proved that “there’s nice guys out there, and there’s hope.”
Cheers to that, you gorgeous grandma!
And anotherGolden Bachelorepisode is in the books, rose lovers!
For now, who do you want Gerry to end up with?
Is anyone else going to join me on Team Ellen?
And honestly, whydon’tthey give the ladies chairs for the rose ceremony?
Let me know your thoughts on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin.
The Golden Bachelorairs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
