And from the adorable grandmas to the surprisingly naughty jokes, it did not disappoint.
(Note: Gerry turned 72 a few days after production started.)
I’m gonna need a Costco-sized pallet of Kleenex to get through this season.
Gerry Turner suits up with his hearing aids on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
This montage of photos from Gerry’s 43-year marriage to Toni isn’t helping me get it together.
Nor is listening to the tragic story of how that wonderful marriage ended.
“She became ill, and her situation got worse over a couple of weeks,” Gerry explains.
Gerry’s late wife, Toni.ABBC
“I took my wife to the emergency on July 7,” says Gerry through sobs.
“And she never came home.”
WHY CAN’T WE HUG PEOPLE THROUGH THE TELEVISION, DANG IT???
The women head to the mansion on ‘The Golden Bachelor’.ABC
Time to stop crying, rose lovers.
Don’t you hear that upbeat, Ready to Find Love AgainTM music?
I believe in you!"
Edith the golden goddess.ABC
And look, here come those potential “persons” right now!
Gerry arrives at the mansion and gets a warm greeting from hostJesse Palmer.
Bring on the limos.
Ellen makes her grand entrance.ABC
It’s time for this “journey” to begin!
And the first bachelorette out of the limo is…
Look at that vision of golden glamour!
Gerry lets out a “Wow!”
April channels her inner farm girl.ABC
asEdithmakes her way over to his spot on the driveway.
Congrats, you history-making hotties!
Ellen, 71, arrives next.
Dang, Renee, you had me scared for a minute there!.ABC
Who is Roberta, you (and Gerry) ask?
She is Ellen’s best friend and Bachelor-watching buddy who is battling cancer.
“He could be the one!”
Blink and you’ll miss her.ABC
Gerry is clearly delighted by Ellen’s energy.
“Oh, Ellen, you are great!”
Is it too soon to start campaigning for Ellen to be the first Golden Bachelorette?
Aunt Chippy crashes the party.ABC
Now here comesSandra, a 75year-old retired executive assistant with a sultry voice.
“Hi Gerry,” she purrs as she strides over to him in a striking red dress.
(Is it too soon to start campaigning for Sandra to be the first Golden Bachelorette?
Gerry needs his Vitamin C.ABC
“I’m a woman who speaks her mind,” Sandra says in her intro package.
“I really do need someone to step into my golden years with.”
Time for some prop comedy!
Gerry and Natascha bust a gut.ABC
“When I found out Gerry was the Bachelor, I was like, ‘Move over, bitches!’
No, I’m just kidding!”
Whatever you say, Leslie.
Faith sings for Gerry.ABC
Go on with your bad self!
Uh-oh, this show is only an hour long.
It’s time to speed up the arrivals!
Jesse brings in the FIR.
“So, I thought, why not come in my birthday suit?”
Theresa isn’t nude she’s wearing a flesh-colored slip under her wrap.
It’s sexy senior humor!
Happy birthday, Theresa!.ABC
In keeping with the PG-13 theme,April, a 65-year-old therapist, arrives carrying a wicker basket.
“I grew up on a chicken farm,” she announces.
“And…”
Debatable, April, but A+ for the joke, which makes Gerry cackle.
Theresa and Gerry are too cute!.ABC
Whatever happens with Gerry, this woman is already a Bachelor Nation icon.
Send her to Paradise!
You kiss your grandchildren with that mouth?
Faith can attest that Gerry does, indeed, have rizz.ABC
But Gerry LOVES it, and he applauds her risque quip.
“I love your dress!”
someone yells to Susan when she strides inside.
I swear to God, I’m going to cry through this entire season.ABC
“This is exciting!”
“The different dresses and the different energy.
All the fun things that women like to do, they’re on display.”
“I hear that your celebrity crush isPenelope Cruz?”
“Well, here I am!”
(Wait… is saying that she looks like Penelope Cruz?
They are both brunettes, I suppose.)
That’s everybody, right?
Oh, but there is one more actual contestant, too.
And here she comes now, roaring up on a motorcycle.
“There’s no way she’s over 60!”
whispers Kathy, who is watching this grand entrance from the mansion doorway.
Indeed, she is!
MeetFaith, a 61-year-old high school teacher.
“I’m proof that you’re free to live fast and not die young!”
“And, if you leave here with me, it’ll be the ride of your life.”
Loving the puns, Faith!
With the arrivals over, Gerry heads into the mansion to greet his potential (second) wives.
And the Golden Bachelor is already feeling supremely grateful for the experience.
“Every door that opened was like the best Christmas ever!”
This man is just too pure.
Don’t you DARE mess with him, TeamBachelor!
Okay, Gerry time for your first night toast.Bonne chance!
“In this room there is beauty and poise and intellect,” Gerry tells the women.
“You’ve really inspired me.”
April pulls Gerry for a chat first, and she’s brought him a gift.
Mr. Gerry Turner absolutely LOVES it.
“I haven’t felt this giddy and excited in years,” Ellen confesses.
“It is the best day of my life in so long!”
Ugh, this woman is so sweet.
She must find love!
Dang it, I want them all to find love with Gerry but polygamy is illegal.
We need more Golden Bachelors, stat!
Let’s also take a minute to discuss Natascha, who is a freaking delight.
And Natascha’s laugh is INCREDIBLE!
“Gerry is in great shape,” purrs Natascha.
“I’m not going to need to resuscitate him if we have an intimate moment.”
Gerry lets out another guffaw.
This man is just having the time of his life, and it’s a beautiful thing to behold.
Marina wants Gerry to know that her daughter thinks he’s “dope.”
The Golden Bachelor chuckles and replies, “My granddaughter told me I had rizz!”
Looks like Faith brought her guitar.
She has a very nice voice, and the song is pretty.
(“I hate you!")
But this isn’t about me, rose lovers!
It’s about Gerry.
Ooooh, are we witnessing Gerry’s first Golden love connection?
We interrupt this recap for a senior citizen dance break.
“Nobody has fun like we have fun, right?”
Oh snap, did the Golden Bachelor just wink at someone from across the room?
on how nice they look, they’re worrying about getting time with Gerry before the rose ceremony.
Especially now:
Oh snap, the First Impression Rose is here!
“There’s only one?”
(Bless these women.)
Ladies, the clock’s ticking and the moon is moving across the sky.
If you want to make a move, do it fast!
Nancy shoots some hoops with Gerry in the driveway, while Jeanie gives the Golden Bachelor a genie lamp.
“Since I’m a real Jeanie, I can grant a wish!”
“Dear Mom,” she begins.
“This is going to be such an amazing experience.
Could it be the First Impression Rose?
She blows out the candles, but then it’s Gerry who makes his move.
I’ll say it again: This man is SMOOTH.
Naturally, Theresa happily agrees to this arrangement.
out loud at my screen.
The first real kiss ofThe Golden Bachelorseason!
“It’s not because you rode in on a motorcycle,” says Gerry.
“It’s not even because you have a beautiful voice, and you sang a song to me.
It’s because of what you’re doing right now.
You’re making me feel very special.”
Awww, congrats Faith!
Lord help us, it’s time for the rose ceremony.
How are we going to handle seeing any of these fabulous women sent home?
The Golden Bachelor admits that he’s “dreaded” this moment for months.
Ugh, let’s just bite the bullet.
Rose ceremony roll call!
If there is a God, we’ll see some of them onGolden Bachelor in Paradisenext summer.
But we’ll get through it together, rose lovers.
Speaking of things that are absolutely heart-wrenching…
Godspeed, Roberta.
The first-ever episode ofThe Golden Bacheloris in the books!
Which women do you think would make the best match for Gerry?
If you’re a lapsedBachelorfan who came back for this senior spinoff, are you glad you did?
And do you think Aunt Chippy is still sleeping on the couch at the mansion?
Let me know on Twitter@KristenGBaldwin!
The Golden Bachelorairs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
